he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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