Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
