I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There's always time for handjobs
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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