Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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