i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
40s are totally the cure
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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