why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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