I don't usually arrange sex via text message
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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