I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
