my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
