I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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