I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
