i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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