I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
