Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
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