Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
