Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Randomize
