I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
