I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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