Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
