What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
