Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
