they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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