oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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