every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
