Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So here I am, sexting at work.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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