While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
