i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
