Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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