Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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