I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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