Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
