Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Randomize