All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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