he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
