Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
