let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
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Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
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You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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