the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
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