i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
