Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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