I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
