weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
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The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
God I need to hump something, right now.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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