shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
