Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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