I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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