I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like giving head to a cactus.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
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