All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
