Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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