So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
