and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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