fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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