I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
