If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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