he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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