how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Send help, water and tortillas.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
