alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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