just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
