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I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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