I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
