I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
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