I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
