You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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