2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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