Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
