It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
