I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
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There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
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I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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