does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
