I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
My bed smells like the plague
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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