i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Randomize
