I wanna bring you to show and tell
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
